tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6974774112743814020.post4519983021113533180..comments2013-03-31T06:18:46.186-04:00Comments on As Seen Through These Eyes...: Update - "If I woke up dead would it really matter?"Glennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08081004004387705889noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6974774112743814020.post-64137961517429955742012-11-29T21:42:47.177-05:002012-11-29T21:42:47.177-05:00Hey Glenn, thanks for visiting my blog today. Wha...Hey Glenn, thanks for visiting my blog today. What happened with your daughter? I am so very sorry you are going through this pain. Its a nightmare that it seems like we will never wake from. I'm tired. I try to be as honest as possible but sometimes those dark thoughts you just can't say them outloud because no matter how freaking honest I think I am being there is still a part of you that knows this isn't ok. I know its normal, frankly I'm scared of the people who don't get angry and find complete peace trusting in God. Are you kidding me? This was my child that you supposedly entrusted to me to take care of and then rudely snatch her away. How many people tell you that He only gives what you can handle. Forget that. <br />Isolation is not a good thing, I dont have mnay people I talk to much anymore about my grief and I never went the counselor route because I think they are all full of bs. I just can't get over it and I don't want someone telling me I'm grieving wrong or should be doing this or gosh forbid tell me i need medication or whatever. I'm a functioning member of my family, I don't spend my life dwelling in the what ifs but dang it if i need to write about it then I will. What ifs will always happen, the anger leaves and comes back, grief isn't some simple thing. Nothing is simple about grief, I know I will know if i were to hit the moment of no return but Im not there anymore. I've had many many nights where i would cry myself to sleep, I would bury my face into the mattress just like I found her and breathe in and out and just pray for death to find me. Howcan that possibly be abnormal? Im hurting. 2.5 years later and I'm still hurting. I'm coming up to 3 years. People make me so mad, they don't understand unless they have been there. Anyways thanks for vidsiting and ugh.... that sucks about your vehickle getting broken in to. I do feel like a slave to phone as well oftentimes i have to force myself to take a step away and put it down, life is happening. Jennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13964282196898709053noreply@blogger.com